Fear

FEAR

I am scared of falling out of love. Not falling in love however, that feeling is amazing. Falling out of love terrifies me because I know that the person I am with now is the one that I want to be with for the rest of my life. She is absolutely amazing and I am going to propose to her on our anniversary but what sucks about it is that it falls on Valentine’s Day. I would like to celebrate them separately but oh well. Fear. Wow I’m so scared to propose to her. I know she will say yes. I know that for sure in my heart and soul. But how do I do it? Where do I take her? And what do I say? I don’t want to do the whole boring routine “will you be my wife” or “will you marry me” or blah blah blah. I want it to be insanely special and a night that she will remember for the rest of her life. I want to take her to a spot that she weill want to come back to every year and remember that special night. Eventually I want to be able to take our kids there and tell them the story and their kids and so on. Yep. Shes the one. I cant think of anyone else id rather spend the rest of my life with. Now we just have to wait for gay marriages to be recognized in Missouri. Stupid crap right there. I don’t know what people are so scared of? Okay fear…im scared of spiders….yuck. and im terrified of dying. I don’t think itd the death part that scares me, but how its gonna happen. Will it be fast or slow? Painful? Will I know that im dying? Im also scared that ill miss out on something amazing. Ive always been the one tht never wants to miss out on anything in in life although sometimes I put myself in that position by making bad mistakes. But m getting better and better at making good decisions every day. And Ashley has a lot to do with that. If you look back at me over a year ago before I met her…wow. I w, I was so different from who I am now as a high school graduate with no job and nowhere to go because I didn’t care. I would have never even thought that there was better out there for me than my bad habits and my rowdy group of frinds until I met her and I knew my life had a whole different purpose and that she was gonna be the inspiration for it all. And look at me now. Going to college….got a house and im doing great… I was so different from who I am now as a high school graduate with no job and nowhere to go because I didn’t care.