Monday, February 27, 2012

I think the whole world could do without money and just go co-op. If everyone just concentrated on one trait they could perform, then everyone could just trade to survive. Everyone could grow their own food and develop a sense of survival. People would have to lean on each other for support in times of struggle and I think it would ultimately bring the world closer together. I believe money is one of the biggest factors in the world’s evils.
If I came to class and Ms. A gave me a thousand dollars, I would use it to get into my own one bedroom apartment so I could stop stressing out about where  I am going to sleep and when I’m going to have peace and quiet to study. I wouldn’t have to worry about rude roommates coming in at all hours of the night intoxicated and waking me up. I would, for once in my life, have a place all to myself where I can relax and feel comfortable. I could control everything that happens in my apartment and I wouldn’t have to stress anymore. I could tell people to get out when I wanted to be alone. I could play my guitar and sing at the top of my lungs. I could blast the music in the bathroom when I’m getting ready. I could cook my meals whenever I wanted and no one could tell me a darn thing.
If I had a million dollars I would buy a house and pay it all off, that way I had a place that is my own forever that no one could ever kick me out of. I would buy a nice reliable car with good gas mileage so I could visit my family more often. I would pay my schooling off so I didn’t have to worry about paying back loans years down the line. I would build my own recording studio and have all the equipment I needed to start my dubstep production company. I would also buy a business van and portable deejaying equipment so I could mobilize my music productions company. I would build a little radio station onto my studio so I could have a broadcasting business on the side and that would also give me easy access to put new music right on the air for listeners to hear. With that millions dollars I would have built my permanent home, my business and my dream career.
What I notice about myself and the way I view money is the fact that I only want to use it to better my life in positive ways such as my own place to concentrate on school, or get my dream business going. If I was to receive all that money, I wouldn’t just blow it and give up on my life. I would set myself up in a very positive position to be successful in the career path I have chosen. That doesn’t mean the work ends. That means the work is just beginning. Even though I think money is the biggest cause of evil and hunger for power, the fact is that the world still has to run somehow and right now that is a monetary system. So instead of going crazy over money, I would use what I was given to invest in my future so I could make it better for myself and my family and future family.


Monday, February 13, 2012

I believe that my mother has always done the best she can.
My mother was barely 15 when she had me. She had options but the fact that she chose to keep me and raise me herself at that age says a lot about a mother's love. Although times got hard in life, she always did whatever she had to to make sure that us kids were okay. Even in times when she was in prison she made sure that we had everything we needed. I remember living with Grandpa and Grandma W. when my mom was away. She would write letters all the time and I was so young I didnt know how to read them so they would read them to me and I would always get this lump in my throat because I could feel her love sinking through my skin with words that she said. When I got to live with her she did everything for all four of us kids. She was a busy woman with all of our practices and such. When times were hard she would hustle to get the things we needed. Seeing that opened my eyes to a whole new world. Things werent amazing out there in the world, but my mother was doing the best she could to make everything amazing in ours. Shes so brave too. She heard about my fathers abuse towards me and drove two hours to pick me up from school so I didnt have to go home to him. They said I was "abducted" and there was an amber alert out for me and the police even set up a road block trying to anticipate our path home. Never once did she regret that. We were riding with the windows down feeling like outlaws and that was when I first realized the stregth and bravery in a mothers love. I dont think that I could have ever made it this far in life if my mother hadnt taught me to be a fighter and if you want something, you better just take it because no one is going to hand you anything for free. And if you cant afford it you better bust your butt and hustle hard to get it. My mother is honestly the strongest woman I know.
I believe in God.
I believe in love.
I believe that there is always something more.
I believe that what is meant to be will always find its way.
I believe that only I am in control of my life.
I believe that I CAN do it.
I believe in ghosts.
I believe music is an escape.
I believe money is evil.
I believe that snow is yucky.
I believe that one day I will be a Dubstep Deejay.
I believe one day I will have a family.
I believe Ashley will say yes. :)
I believe my Grandfather is watching over me.
I believe in the success of my younger siblings.
I believe one day I will go to Italy.
I believe I can change someones life for the better.
I believe that family is the most important thing you can have.
I believe that my mother has always done the best she can.
I believe my father will never admit to himself he was wrong.
I believe my Papa has worked hard to give me the best.
I believe my Grandmama gives me the most motivation.
I believe in silence.
I believe in karma.
I believe in a universal balance and flow.
Going without power for one hour seems like nothing at first. But soon I realize that the dead silence frustrates me more and more as i just sit there. I needed something to do. Homework? No. I couldnt even do that because the silence was just gettin on my nerves. On top of that i couldnt even tell when a whole hour went by. So Im sitting in silence for what feels like eternity and then I remember...I have an ACOUSTIC guitar. HA! Found a way to beat the silence. I played through all 25 songs on my set list. That had to be over and hour right? YES!! It had almost been 2 hours when I finally turned everything on. Needless to say, there was some pretty angry people who had been trying to get ahold of me when I turned my phone back on. It makes you wonder what life would be like with no electricity at all.

Friday, February 10, 2012

How are you connected?
I am connected to many different things in many different ways. We can start with places...Im connected to  Cuba from my mothers side of the family. Germany on my dads side. Cherokee indian from my grandmother and grandfather. People? Im connected to people who share the same love for music as me. People who I perform drag with. Im connected with a few of my classmates. Im connected to friends who like to go out. Friends who play ball. Friends who I have known for years. people Ive gotten in trouble with. Some of us share connections by doing the same tradition every year, such as my friends that I go floating and camping with. Some of us are connected because we were all close to someone that we lost and feel the same emptyness and pain. We can even be connected to people we dont even know such as someone going through the same struggles as you.  I have made connections with people my coming together to better a saituation, such as the time my friends and I went and stayed in an old shelter with other kids from all across the country to come together and help the poeple and children out after hurricane Katrina. although I will probably never see the kids that helped beside me or the kids that we helped, but I know I will always have that connection with them. I guess a lot of connections are memories. Ours or our families or friends. Connections can be heritage, or something that you just have in common with another. Connections that help better the world...we are all connected...we just have to web it out.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Kayla Nicole Dugan AKA: Dugan...I dont think I could miss a friend more than I miss this girl. Its been way too long. Dugan and I go way back...I was 13 when I first met her. Although I dont think I have ever gotten into anymore trouble with anyone but this girl, she has done some amazing things for my life. Since day one she was my best friend. She helped me realized I shouldnt care about what people thought of me. She said I just just be my "real self" and if anyone didnt like it they werent my "real freind". She helped me find the courage to tell my family that i am a lesbian and even the strength to come out to everyone in my school. Because she influenced me to be myself, my ife was a thousand times easier. I didnt have to work hard to hide who i was anymore. I even made new friends that were going through the same things and helped encourage them to be themselves. Even though she has been gone for two years, I know that as soon as I see her it will be like no time was ever lost. We will be "Puppet Master & Prince Teddy" again soon. I rememeber running that old town of California. Had those girls runnin laps for us and the guys wishin they could be us. Some great times on the bridge with some bottles and a fire, singin songs like we were famous rock-stars. Ha! One day. Heres to one of the best friends a kid could have growing up to an adult. See you in six days when you get out, Bro!
Being two places at once? Sounds rediculous...but I believe its possible. When people go out into the world they connect with things, or other people. They leave a part of themselves wherever they made this connection. For Great-Grandpa W. used to wear this cologne. Everytime I would smell it, I knew he was around. He has since passed on, but sometimes I get a brief scent of the cologne he wore and its like he is right there living a thousand memories in my heart. These types of things can happen before people pass on too. My amazing girlfriend has made such a huge impact on my life, helping me become a better person. She put a little peice of her inside of me because everyday i can hear her voice telling me "You can do it! I believe in you." and "I'm so proud of you!" People can be in hundreds of places at once: in people's minds, their hearts...even in an inatimate object such as scents, or a gift they got you...or just something you share a memory with them with. I hope that i have made an impact to be in hundreds of places at once.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Sometimes I get so frusterated with how irresponsible people can be.
Seriously...learn to pay your bills.