'Freedom, Liberty & Justice Doesn't Live Here."

We live in a backwards world, where our veterans live in the streets.
Single parents work 2 jobs & still can’t make ends meet.

College kids trying to struggle through their 20 hour days.
Even with their degree, they’re still making minimum wage.

Families getting put on the curb, because Dad done lost his job.
They sold the factory to different country, now Americas getting robbed.

We let our government run our lives without a second thought.
And abandon our sick & elderly in nursing homes to rot.

You're hurt? Too bad. Can’t see the doc without that Medicaid.
People wait in line to sell their plasma just to barely get paid.

Gangs are shooting at each other trying to claim a block.
Taking innocent lives so they can try to move that rock.

Dealers & hustlers are in the streets, preying on the weak.
Kids stomachs growling all day long because they have nothing to eat.

Bullies pushing kids to suicide in many of our schools.
Parents must have forgot to teach their children about The Golden Rule.

People are discriminated for loving someone the same sex.
Taking away rights to have emotion? What will they take way next?

Teenagers go out hookin’, getting paid to to catch those AIDS.
And the junkies in the trap, shooting up to feel a daze.

Stoners spending life in prison for buying or selling pot.
But parents locking kids in cars are free, knowing damn well that its too hot.

Pedophiles are roaming free, living on every street.
And a homeless man just got locked up for stealing socks to warm his feet.

Trigger happy cops are sent to violate our rights.
Oh they shot someone dead again just because he’s not white?

What happened to the oath they took to ‘protect and serve’?
Violence won’t fix violence, hasn't anybody learned?

We’ve forgotten our intentions, our American dream.
Life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness, now doesn't mean a thing.

We used to be the greatest, what the hell happened to us?
Allowing selfish politicians to run a government we can't even trust.

United we stand, they say? No. Divided we all fall.
We can't even establish the same rights and freedoms for all.

Its time to take back our home & reclaim the ‘Land of the Free’.
Run this country like it was founded and meant to be.

With liberty & justice, through this country we’ll retrod,
And again become an indivisible nation under God.

Teddy Payton

Use me and abuse me,
Pull my strings just for a thrill.
I will take it like a man,
swallow lifes hard pill.

You need time to find yourself,
Ill give you space to fly.
As long as you fly back to me
before the day I die.

I understand ur flame for life,
even I have desires.
Ill always support ur dreams,
never put out that fire.

Right now, somehow, it seems
ur a million miles away.
But that doesn't stop my heart from beating
for you every single day.

Through the longest most cold winter,
To the most steamy summer heat,
Ill walk a million miles to you
In my determined two bare feet.

I pray one day again
That I may call you mine,
Until then my heart &soul
will never quite be fine.

So 'til then be free my dear,
& have no fear, for I'm always here
One phone call no matter the time
& you know ill be right there.

You are my Angel thru and thru.
And to me you will forever be.
So til then I patiently wait,
for you to come home to me.

One night, back in time. Back when everything felt flawless...
I could see her smile from across the parking lot. Mine looked weary, I'm sure, but I made my way closer and closer to the woman I used to love. She acted as if we had never parted. Welcoming me into her arms like I had never been without them. Her skin still soft and smelled just as I so flawlessly remembered. Her arms lingered around my body as we entered the house, like I still belonged to her and she wanted the world to know. Her fingers traced the skin down my arm, then intertwined themselves with mine. I held them there, perhaps I was scared that she could let go before I could engrave that memory into my heart. As we sat next  to each other, she leaned in close to me as I felt her relax into my side, her hand on my thigh. She was all her, just as lovely and lively as before, but you could tell there was a change about her. She laughed with everyone else, as I sat there silently taking her in. She never held on so close before. It was a mix of affection and fear keeping her hands on me. I could feel it.
Head on my shoulder, she asked to go smoke with me. With her I already know that is code for "Lets go talk." She sat on the stoop, scooting into me for warmth. I wrapped my coat around her and put my head on hers, tucked her hand into mine and breathed out the biggest sigh of relief. She turned her eyes to mine and said something that would break my heart, more so than when she had left me.
"She hit me. She would choke me and shove me and throw shit at me. One time I didn't make her food right and she started throwing things at me. I couldn't go do anything or she would get mad."
"Why? I mean, how could you stay with someone like that for so long? I wouldn't- You know I would never have done that to you!"
She lowered her gaze to the sidewalk. "I know."
We sat in a few seconds of silence before I knew what to say.
"When we were together, I told you that I didn't want you around her. I didn't say that because I thought you would leave me for her. I said it because I knew she was a bad person and could get you into bad things. If I had known it would have gone like this, I would have fought harder to keep you with me, but I thought if you were happy, then I'm not going to take that away from you. I always cared, I always wanted you to be happy."
"I know you did."
Our hands gripped each other tighter and our bodies moved in closer. Again she turned to face me. I could see a softness set into her eyes as they met mine. Then she said what my heart had been begging to hear the whole time.
"Do you miss us?"
"Always have."
"Me too."
More silence.
"Its always been you, ya know."
She chuckled. "Yeah, I know."
She finished her cigarette and wrapped my coat around her shoulder, bringing her in closer to me. I could feel her take a deep breath as she prepared to take mine away.
"Do you want to start over?"
I smiled as my heart did skips and leaps inside of my chest. Butterflies flapped their wings inside my stomach and I forgot to take a breath until I felt her turn to look at me.
"That is all I have ever wanted."
She leaned down and kissed where our fingers weaved one other. Is this real? There's only one way to check. I tilted her chin upwards towards mine. Our eyes met and for a second I forgot where I was as our noses crept past each other and our lips met. Her lips tasted like every perfect memory I ever wanted to make, just like they always had. Yep. It was her and this was real.
As we fell asleep that night, she held both my hands as if it was our last few hours together on earth. I knew I was going to have to fix a lot of damage that I didn't cause. I was going to have to love her more tenderly than I have ever attempted to love before. She was fragile, but I knew that with time and patience that I could show her what love should be like.
So here I am, this woman on my mind and a smile upon my face. I pray I can prove to her that there is more out there than pain. Will I succeed? I can't tell you that yet, but we have to leave the rest of it for love to decide. Whichever paths fate may take us, my wish for her will always be the same. That she truly be happy with someone who loves and cherishes her in every way she should. However, I don't think it's selfish for me to wish that the person be me. Haha

See, what I have to offer is unmistakable, undeniable. Its original and down to earth. Its real, its honest, its blunt and its persistent. It has been said to be short lived but Baby, I want you to be my last "first". If anyone in this world can make it its us. We may be a little unprepared but thats what taking chances are all about. Were gonna make mistakes, but were gonna learn from them and move forward instead of walking away. Thats whats going to make us real. Thats whats going to be our glue, keep us bound together. We deserve this chance, this opportunity to show the world that there is such a thing as love and it can be true.

When I look at you, I dont only see the memories that we made yesterday, or the weeks or months before that. I also see the millions of memories we are going to make and for once, Im not afraid to grow old because I know that I will be growing old with you. We will watch our families grow and generation after generation sprout new and anew again. Many houses, backyards and bar-b-ques. Slammed doors and scraped knees. Hot summers and stormy nights with you in my arms. Cold Christmas mornings and loud New Years with heart-skipping midnight kisses. We will build a castle out of our memories by hand and 50 years from now were going to look back and smile on all the many years spent together and the memories we have enjoyed with one another. We will be able to say we lived a life worth living all because we had someone who loved us with no boundaries and stayed through all the ups and downs and really truly cares. Someone to love us right, hold us through the night and give us kisses to the rising son. We have found each other and if you let me...Id like to stay right here with you and start building my forever. I love you Babygirl...more than all the stars in the sky****<3

It's funny. Seems like yu have a certain individual who contains a quaint interest in being jealous. That's okay though, I know my individuality and my certainty when it comes to things that are mine. Trust that no one can take over my position in the lives I have entered and try to over throw me....words spill out of my mouth like an overflowing fountain of truth and justice. Let me suffice yu with the knowledge of everlasting unity and the strength to strive and succeed in love & in life. 

Forever,
With all the Love & care in my heart and soul & the strength to carry you through.
Thea
AKA Teddy

My dream is not to be famous, but rather to be known for my inspirational music and writings and my interpretation of the art that I feel within my soul.

What Is A Place? 

The New Hope Baptist Church is a place that I often think about. I went to church there a few times as a child but the most memorable experience I had there is the bittersweet recollection of laying my Great-Grandfather to rest in the church cemetery. The church itself is isolated out in the hills on a very old winding road that runs next to the Missouri River. It was February 20^th, 2010 and the air was a bit chilly but the sun still shone brightly on the small cemetery that solemn day. As I stood under the tree that my Grandfather would be laid next to, I looked out into the fields below and saw vast waves of green shimmering back and forth with the breeze. With every breath I could almost taste the crisp coolness in my mouth. At the time I had wondered how I was going to make it through the day.

            Normally a day like this wouldn’t seem so beautiful considering the circumstances, but God must have been incredibly happy to have such a strong soul back in Heaven with Him because he blessed my Grandfather’s home going with a gorgeous day. The birds sang loudly as everyone else stood in what seemed to be hours of silence except for the occasional stifled cough or sniffle. I could smell my Great-Grandmother’s perfume as she stood in front of us as still as a statue. Though she was trying her hardest to stay strong you could see the distraught look she carried in her eyes. I remember thinking to myself that the pain in her eyes must be what the fear of being alone forever looks like.

My stomach felt incredibly deep as my cousins carried the casket down to the solemn, chilling grave. Flashes of memories, like images frozen in time, played through my mind at a thousand miles a minute. I wanted to smile and frown, laugh and sob, all at the same time. Although my emotions were as twisted up as a ball of yarn, one thing was clear in my mind, and that was the fact that I would never get to hear my Grandpa’s jokes again, or see his warm smile. Most of all I would miss hearing his voice on Christmas Eve reading the story of the birth of Jesus out of The Bible. Although those thoughts absolutely crushed my spirit, the idea of my Grandpa being laid to rest next to our past family, slightly eased my mind.

My attention had been on the Marines that were ceremoniously folding the American flag that had been resting on top of my Grandfather’s casket. I hadn’t known that each of the twelve folds had a symbolic meaning. When the flag is folded, the starts point upward to remind us of the national motto, In God We Trust(“Military Funeral”). Their decorated uniforms reminded me of how proud my Grandpa was when he was showing his off with a smile. As a young man my grandpa had served in the U.S. Marines overseas in the Vietnam War. He was part of the 540,000 troops located there by December of 1968 (Rosenburg). The image of him in his uniform faded as they handed the folded flag to my Grandmother. My heart dropped and pounded hard in my stomach as I felt short of breath. The flag seemed to be the only thing that Grandma would have left to hold on to and the thought of her feeling sad really broke my heart.

When I heard the first of the gunshots saluting my grandfather, my stomach dropped, much like going over a hill too fast. The sound of each shot pierced through the air, like a needle through silk, and I knew instantly that I would never forget those sharp, ringing seconds. Almost instantly, my pained ears were soothed by the soft melody of “Taps” floating through the crisp air. “Taps” was first played in the civil war with the Army of the Potomac, when Union Army Brig. Gen. Daniel Butterfield composed it with his bugler Pvt. Oliver Wilcox Norton because he didn’t like the call that signaled soldiers to go to bed. Later it would be used to call “to the sleep of death for soldiers”(Powers). The bugle sounded so distant, yet so perfect that it almost seemed as if the song was being played from the heavens, sounding right through the clouds angelically. Remembering how I sang “Taps” at the end of each day at Girl Scout camp only reminded me that this was the end and there was nothing that anyone could do to change it. A painful lump rose up into my throat and got stuck, making it hard to swallow.

 My eyes started to blur as I fought to hold back the tears that should have already been cried. A shiver went up and back down my spine as the finale note of “Taps” rang out and echoed across the field. As I blinked, tears fell from both my eyes, at first warming my face, but then leaving a cold trail behind where they had been. I had lowered my head so that no one saw me cry. All I had wanted was to keep the tears from coming in front of everyone else. I felt a hand on my shoulder and took a deep breath of the cool air. My eyes had been shut for so long that when I opened them it took a few seconds for them to adjust to the light again. I looked up to see my aunt beside me. Together we looked down at the rough ground where my Grandfather’s tombstone would soon rest. We didn’t talk. We didn’t even look at each other. I think she was just as scared of crying as I was.

She stood there with me until I started to shiver and by the time I turned around to walk up the hill, most of the family had already made their way to the top. I walked slowly, feeling every rock under my stiff feet along the path back to the old faded church. Strange, how I could feel life all around me after just laying one to rest. It just didn’t seem right or fair at the time. Only later would I realize how beautifully ironic it really was.

At the top of the hill I stopped and turned around and took a deep breath. I wanted to soak it all in. I looked over that whole hillside slowly. I could see the tree line where the woods ended and the field began. The one tree in the cemetery stood toweringly tall and seemed to be proud to shade the resting souls underneath its long branches. The birds sang and danced in the clear blue sky to their own melodies as a gentle breeze rocked plant life back and forth simultaneously. I took one last deep breath, more of a sigh, and smelled the cool fresh country air once again. As I turned around the corners of my mouth drew up into the slightest grin and let tears roll out of the corners of my eyes.

That day marked the end of a long painful journey. It had been hard on the whole family for years, always worrying about Grandpa’s health problems and seeing him suffer through such pain.  I had never felt quite so empty yet so happy and relieved at the same time. It was like two completely opposite emotions intertwining in my heart and my body didn’t quite know which one to express.

 As we pulled away, I had my head against the window looking out towards the cemetery. The image of that little paint-chipped church on the hill, with its’ one tree reaching towards the sky, would forever be seared into my memory like hot brand. Though this place carries both good and painful memories, many hellos and few goodbyes, it will forever remain as one of my most peaceful and favorite places I have ever experienced thus far.

 

Works Cited

Rosenberg, Jennifer. "Vietnam War Timeline." About.com. New York Times, n.d. Web. 7 May 2012. <http://history1900s.about.com>.

"Military Funeral." Wikipedia.org. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc., 6 May 2012. Web. 7 May 2012. <http://en.wikipedia.org>.

Powers, Rod. "Military Funeral Honors." About.cm. New York Times, n.d. Web. 7 May 2012. http://usmilitary.about.com.